Pretty common nowadays right?! It’s almost weird to start talking to people in real life (maybe because I go out in Switzerland haha).
My point of view before downloading the app: ‘WTF?! Is that really what society is like now?! It became too hard to meet people face to face?!’ It made me angry even to talk about it with some of my friends who were on it.
But then I realized you can’t really talk about something you don’t know. Back in October last year it already came to my mind to register JUST to be able to write about it. So one Sunday evening when one of my friend pressured me to sign-up, I did.
At the beginning, I was honest with guys, saying I’m doing an experiment to write a blog post. I really didn’t want to fall into the game. I wanted it to be ‘professional’ kinda but deep down if I could find the one in the meantime, it wouldn’t have bothered me. It’s my romantic side.
My last week at work before my Yoga Summer was super busy taking Dance, Yoga, and Crossfit classes, lots of partying and that’s when my perspective shifted. The whole story started with a super-like from my side and the rest is history. I was going to write about the different dates I had and my brief amazing summer romance. I could actually write an entire book about this, it would be really fun BUT I won’t go into details here. You are gonna have to wait for the novel 😉
What I learned:
Yes you can meet awesome people who have the same interests and vibe as you. It’s a fast and easy way to get to know people when you just moved to a new city or when you are traveling. In some cases it might even end by a wedding!
Most people I met though, want to be free because they are all exploring the world. They want to see everything and do everything ALONE or with friends. Committing is so 20th century! The millennials are very self-centered (me included I have to admit). I personally think we’ll notice a change in about 10 years. But for now forget Prince Charming and focus on something else, especially if you live in a city. He will come, in a decade or so.
Be mindful who you share your energy with. Make sure you switch on your intuition. Sometimes it’s hard to notice things when you are fully into the situation. When in doubt, call your BFF! (valid in any life situations).
Give yourself time to get to know the person. It doesn’t mean texting forever before meeting but maybe going on different dates with the SAME person? Just a thought. Remember how it was when people met in normal life? It used to take weeks or months before they’d realize that there was a connection! Too old school?! I’m gonna go even further. Here it comes: for me, meeting more than one person/ week was too much. Even a different person every week was too much. I didn’t have time to process my emotions/ the experience but was already having another date. It felt odd especially when something happened. That’s the reason why I deleted the app. I couldn’t deal with fast-paced feelings.
It’s very easy to fall into the game of swiping and texting 10 different people at the same time, meeting 4 different guys within the same week, etc. We live in a world of distraction. We love to be busy so we don’t have to go inwards cause it’s scary and uncomfortable. It’s easier to party all week long than to sit still for 5 min. Tinder can be just another distraction resulting in superficial relationships if not used with awareness. So like everything, the key might be moderation.
Another lesson: the outside world is a reflection of your inner world. Ever heard that? I knew that concept but it can be a difficult one to get. It only makes sense when you start finding examples in your own life. You know when you become angry when your friend is always late or when your boyfriend doesn’t clean the apartment? Whatever is triggering or bothering you is because you have or used to have the exact same pattern. Pretty disturbing right?! This week I found one of my personality trait through one of my dates. He did express out loud what I was only thinking in other situations. A powerful realization and a pattern I’ll be working on.
One more thing: you never know what’s gonna happen. Don’t draw conclusions too fast, don’t be impatient, let life surprise you, be open and find your shades of grey, everything isn’t black and white (something I need to learn too).
In total I had the app for about a month. Maybe not a long time but enough for me. It’s been a great teacher!
And finally just for fun:
The different guy profiles on Tinder:
– the picture of his car
– the picture of his abs
– often both of the above are on the same profile (without wanting to generalize)
– the picture of his dog/cat (because he knows girls like animals)
– the traveler on a beach in a tropical paradise
– the guy in a suit with an amazing job
– the party boy with all his friends on the picture (so you cannot really tell which one he is)
– the party boy drinking and smoking
– the guy with his girlfriend in an open relationship (hopefully)
– the bathroom selfie
The profiles I tended to like:
– Original/ beautiful pix. Nature is always a good idea.
– Original text
– Humor is a winner
– Or sometimes long curly hair will do 😉
I hope nobody got offended!
What’s your experience with dating apps/ sites?!